Updated 08.07.26

By Karen Liebenguth

---

Recently, I led a community practice session on ‘nourishment’. We reflected on what nourishes us, what sustains us and what gives us energy in our life. We also explored what gets in the way of feeling nourished and balanced, what drains us, what takes our energy away.

One of the things that drains us stood out: our to-do list. Many of us resonated with how we can feel in the grip of our to-do list, controlled by it, and as a result, tense, stressed and restless: not able to take a break, or let go of doing all the time. It’s the opposite of feeling balanced and having choice. 

The to-do list trap

When we are on auto-pilot, not mindful, present and aware, we often fall victim to our to-do list. We personify our to-do list as though it was doing something to us. When that happens we perceive life through the lens of always needing to do the next thing, task or job. We spend most of the time in doing mode of mind, with little time spent in being mode mind. We feel that we don’t have choice about deciding how we spend the day. Life then can feel relentless and tiring. And most crucially: we miss out on opportunities, we can’t see them, because we feel too enslaved by all the things we have on our to-do list.

But of course, when we bring mindfulness to what’s happening, we see that the to-do list is not doing anything to us, it’s just a list of things to do, always in flow, always changing. We see that it is us who is in control, who has choice over what we do and don’t do. It requires us to know what matters to us, what our priorities are. This includes ourselves, and taking our health and wellbeing seriously. 

Reflecting on our to-do list may sound to some like a small aspect of life at first, but I think it teaches us a lot and shines a light on the habits and thoughts that keep us stuck in unhelpful patterns. 

At times when it feels as though we don’t have choice, and we feel trapped - could we gently challenge those thoughts? Of course, there are things every day we have to do, like work, shopping, cooking, paying bills, making appointments, but perhaps we could consider whether, within these tasks, we have choices around how much we do, when and how. For example, out of a list of seemingly urgent jobs, is there just one thing that could be moved to another day? Or for something that needs to be done now, is there a way of making it more enjoyable? Exploring the freedom of choice we do have can free us from our inner harsh boss that is constantly on our case.

Beliefs we hold about our to-do lists

So how do you relate to your to-do list? How do you relate to yourself?

What are some thoughts or views you hold about your to-do list?

For example: ‘I should do everything that’s on my list today’ or ‘If I don’t do everything today, tomorrow will be even harder’ or ‘If I don’t finish all the jobs, I will beat myself up for it’, or ‘Others will judge me or think ill of me, so I’d better get on with it now’.

When we begin to examine our thoughts, we see that often they are not true. Who says that I should do everything that’s on my list? Or ‘If I don’t do everything today, tomorrow will be even harder’. Definitely not true. Quite the opposite. If I pace myself today, allow myself to do some things, have breaks, and do things that nourish me, tomorrow I will feel the positive effect. I will most likely feel balanced, rested, grounded, confident, resourced, in charge of what I do and don’t do.

Each moment of the day can become a choice point. We can have powerful agency of our to-do list and of our time. We can change how we relate to our to-do list, begin to feel that we have choice, and can begin to see opportunities life offers us. 

This is not about stopping writing to-do lists. A to-do list has merit. It helps us stay on track with the things we need to do, the things we want to remember and not forget. 

Tips to nurture a healthy relationship with your to-do list

• Use a notepad that you only use for to-do lists. That way nothing gets lost and you can roll outstanding tasks forward.

• At the end of the day, review your to-do list and tick off what you’ve done – it’s a moment to celebrate ☺ - and really let it in.

• Bring kindness and non-judgement to yourself in moments when you realise that you haven’t done everything you wanted to do because you weren’t feeling well, or you were tired or in physical pain, or something unexpected happened that you needed to attend to, or simply because your to-do list was unrealistic. Understanding the reason for doing or not doing something can help us become our own kind and supportive boss.

• Each morning check in with yourself on how you are, how much energy and time you have, what else is happening in your life, and prioritise your tasks. Some helpful questions to prioritise your tasks are:

• • What are the most important things to do today?

  • What are things I have to do?

  • What are one or two things that nourish me that I will do?

  • What are the things that would be good to do, and okay if I didn’t do them?

• Stay flexible throughout the day and give yourself permission to not do something that you thought you were going to do in the morning. Things do change! We change all of the time. It’s okay to change plans, and roll your tasks forward.
  
  

What if I never seem to do what I planned?

Of course, if this keeps happening, this could be an indication that there is a pattern to explore. This is why using a notepad is so helpful as we can clearly see the repetition of not doing something. Ask yourself kindly and honestly: ‘What’s getting in the way of doing this job?’ ‘What am I resisting, avoiding, not wanting to do?’ 

Sometimes the task is simply too big, too scary and we need to take smaller steps or get more creative to make a task more interesting (e.g. combine tidying up with listening to music you enjoy or a podcast). 

A helpful question can be when facing a bigger task: ‘What is one small step I can take now that feels manageable to begin this task?’ 

Coming into a mindful, kind and caring relationship with our to-do list, allows us to naturally become our own best and encouraging boss. It enhances our wellbeing and how we feel about ourselves and life.

---

About the Author: Karen Liebenguth

Karen has been an accredited mindfulness teacher, trainer, and supervisor with Breathworks for ten years. As a dedicated life coach, she helps individuals navigate periods when life feels stuck, overwhelming, or stressful, empowering them to take small, confident steps forward.

Course participants describe Karen’s teaching style as inclusive, gentle, and wise. She doesn’t just teach mindfulness, she models it, embodying kindness and a deep sense of care for both herself and others.

Karen’s path to teaching began with her own practice, which spans 18 years. After struggling with high levels of anxiety, low self-esteem, and harsh self-judgment, she turned inward to explore her "mind and heart." Mindfulness transformed her life - helping her become calmer, more confident, and significantly kinder to herself.

This internal shift also enriched her relationships, making them feel more connected and satisfying. Inspired by the profound impact of changing her attitude toward herself, others and life, she became a mindfulness teacher to share the benefits of mindfulness practice with others.

Karen is at her most creative and happiest when she is in nature. This passion led her to specialise in outdoor coaching, where she walks side-by-side with clients through the green spaces of London.

Originally from Hamburg, Germany, Karen has lived in London for 25 years. She now lives in a small Buddhist community with three other women and a cat. Community living and practice are central to her life. In addition to her coaching and mindfulness practice, she teaches at the London Buddhist Centre and co-leads retreats.